Dear Office Dweller
by John Mehrmann
The following letter is a composite of feedback from road warriors in the field to the much respected and appreciated office dwellers who occupy the ivory towers, headquarters or maze of cubicles. The office dwellers are the curators of much needed scrolls, documents, data, financial information and other incredibly essential data and processes that enable the organization to function. The road warrior is the tireless face and voice at the front lines of the information supply chain, responsible for maintaining that delicate balance between the vision of the clients and the magic of what really happens behind the curtain.
"Did you get my electronic calendar invitation for our meeting in ten minutes?"
No, I did not get your electronic invitation for the meeting.
I am currently sitting in front of a very important client and giving my undivided attention. The Cell phone is turned to Vibrate and put away to avoid distraction. The laptop computer is turned off and in it's case. I have a pad and paper in front of me to take notes on highlights of our conversation. The client has my complete attention, especially when we are face to face. The client has specific needs and a vision of the future. I need to understand that vision and effectively communicate how our features will meet the needs of the client. When we are together, the client and I, we have one purpose that isolates us from the interruptions of the outside world. Our purpose is to find the best solution for a mutually beneficial business arrangement.
When the meeting is done, I will have to use my notes to draft a comprehensive document that I will send back to the ivory towers. This document must accurately convey the details of our conversation with the needs and vision of the client. It must accurately assess and explain the mutually beneficial business arrangement and establish the covenants or commitments of our conversation. My notes of those critical personal moments shared with the client will become the basis for a thesis that will be drafted many hours later in a hotel room in another city.
That electronic calendar invitation is buried amid two hundred and one other emails, many of which are from other clients. I will ready them all when I sit at my hotel room desk, eat my hotel cookie and drink my single serving hotel room coffee. The hotel has a Jacuzzi, pool and amenities that I will never see. What are the real amenities for a road warrior? High Speed internet connection, clean bed, hot shower and a continental breakfast are what constitute Home Sweet Home.
"Did you get the email with the attached 32MB Video of the receptionist's granddaughter's birthday party, the pictures from the company sponsored Bar-Be-Cue, the invitation to have your car washed in the parking lot or the plethora of other emails with embedded cartoons and enormous attachments?"
Some places still define high speed internet connection as a 56k modem or a single wireless router available from the hotel lobby. Hopefully the download will be complete before I finish packing my suitcase in the morning. I can't wait to read the internal company announcement about the hot lunch yesterday, accompanied by the gratuitous oversized images of greasy burgers, fries and pizza slices. I am tempted to send an email with embedded pictures of my bran muffin and banana but fear that the humor will only create another burdensome download to my fellow road warriors. Besides, somebody already beat me to the punch line and responded with a "Reply to All" message to HR that included a social security number and complete medical history. There will be at least ten to fifteen more "Reply to All" messages that simply say "Thank You", but I won't know that until I open them. I have worn the letters off of my delete key.
"Did you read the email that I just sent to you?"
Thank you for the phone call. I am now driving in bumper to bumper traffic with one hand on my cell phone so I can talk to you. In my other hand is a pen, ready to scribble notes on the printed directions that I downloaded from some mapping software three days ago. I know that this call must be really important if you take the time to write the email and then call to make sure that I see it and respond. Where am I?
On the passenger side of the car is a slowly wilting drive-through lunch. A cup of car temperature coffee is perched in the console beside my elbow. I am driving with my knees and trying to avoid that other erratic driver who does not seem to be paying attention to the road or traffic. Was that my exit?
That's right, my cell phone does get messages. I wonder if I can scroll through my messages and read the pinpoint text while simultaneously talking to you about the attached files. Can you hear me? I think that I found the email that you are talking about. Yes, this is the email. Was that a police officer that I just passed? Is it legal to talk on the cell phone while driving in this city? Better not take any chances, I have to hang up for now and call you back. I may not be able to talk on the cell phone, but I don't think that there are any laws about doing email or text messaging on your phone while driving, not yet anyway.
"I just sent you an IM, did you get it?"
Oh, you mean the Instant Message that you sent to ask me if I read the email that you called about while I am trying to drive? Sorry, I missed that one. Calculating route, when possible, please make a legal U-Turn. Oh, it is the agenda for the conference call that started five minutes ago. I need to provide a report and rolling forecast based on the staff meeting today? What meeting?
"Oh, we decided to change that feature three days ago. It is not available anymore."
I see, the features that I just explained to our client are no longer available. The new features will cost three times as much. The meeting that you just scheduled is for me to present how we are going to sell these expensive new features and to provide an updated forecast on the revised revenue. What, it is my turn to present? You do realize that I am hundreds of miles away right now, don't you? No, I can not email my presentation and review it with everyone by phone right now. Why? I have not started the presentation yet. I must have missed the announcement. What's that? Oh, you were not aware of the changes either and there was mp announcement. I understand completely, trust me, I really do.
So, we have a new company strategy and a new corporate direction. We have decided to reinvent ourselves. There will be a big meeting to unveil our new business plan and assigned goals. I got it. What's that? Oh, I need to submit my presentation on how I will achieve those goals and my plan must be sent before the close of business today. I'm sorry, you are breaking up. It must be a bad connection because I am close to the airport now. I do not know if you can hear me, but if you can then I want to you know that I will be boarding a plane soon and will call you again later from another city to find out what you are trying to tell me. Better yet, send an email.
"I bet you really enjoy those frequent flyer miles."
You really have no idea how much I look forward to taking my vacation, at home. After several weeks on the road and a different hotel room every night, I look forward to my own bed, the one that I picked out and paid for. These days we need to arrive at the airport at least two hours before the scheduled flight. This is not productive time. Imagine spending one quarter of your eight hour day in the office standing in line with your shoes in your hand. There is a line to check in, a line to go through security and a line at to board the plane. When you arrive, stand in line to collect your luggage and another line to get your rental car. Of course, you can bypass the line to collect your luggage if you do not travel with toothpaste, shaving cream, deodorant, any gels or liquids. You can identify those fellow passengers who have elected to expedite the cattle car processing by jettisoning their personal toiletries. It would be impolite to discuss how you can identify these passengers, just trust me on this one, you can.
Working on the computer on a tray table is only effective if you the proportionate arms of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and if the individual in front of you is incapable of reclining. More than likely, you will be staring at the liver pots in the bald patch on the top of the head in front of you for hours. Remember to bring large bills in exact change to pay for your wedge of wet cheese, two individually wrapped crackers and box of sixteen fabulous handpicked raisins. Ask for a receipt so you can expense your mid-air snack and then pay for the aisle or window seat next to you so you can claim it as entertainment expense if the snack is over your approved per diem.
If you fly as often as I do then you also get the benefit of memorizing the dialogue from abbreviated movies that you would not pay to see in the theatres. Of course, the bad language, violence and parental guidance scenes are all removed to make the movies safe for general audiences. Needless to say, we will never see Ozzy Osbourne on the eight inch monitors. Would you like to hear us recite the complete dialogue from "Coal Miner's Daughter" or "Vanity Fair"?
"You must hate your job."
On the contrary, I love it. The travel, the schedule, the hours and the inconveniences are sacrifices that must be made in the pursuit of a passion. Road warriors do not travel for the excitement of hotels, or for frequent flyer miles or because we enjoy the restaurants. The travel and time are a means to an end, and that end is something much more meaningful and personal. If you were to talk to us, really talk to us for a few hours, you would learn that the real passion is for family. For some road warriors that pursuit of accomplishment means a better life for a spouse or children at home. Every day away from home is a personal sacrifice that is an investment for the ones that are left behind. For other road warriors, the family is defined as the coworkers in the ivory towers. For these people it is the professional family and the success of the organization that keeps the fire burning within. For some other road warriors the extended family includes a special personal relationship with clients, and a true dedication to help each customer achieve their individual aspirations. For the vast majority of road warriors it is a combination of all of these things, the family at home, the family at work and the extended client family on the road.
We make sacrifices, but we are thankful to have the chance to do it and grateful to the people in the ivory tower. Office dwellers are a source of constant support and amusement, for this we salute you
Sincerely,
Your Devoted Road Warrior in the Field
_________________________________________
Words of Wisdom
"Do Not Disturb signs should be written in the language of the hotel maids."
- Tim Bedore
"The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark."
- Barbara Hall, Northern Exposure
"The road that we travel may be long and arduous, full of many challenges. Yet it is the same road that leads back home and that is never too far."
- John Mehrmann, Executive Blueprints Inc
About The Author
http://www.ExecutiveBlueprints.com
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